Delicious Ambiguity.

The best thing in life is not knowing how its going to end. This way, hope and love always find a path to struggle back in. As the years pass by, we are often engulfed in a quagmire with ourselves, amidst that whiff of a smoke and those beautiful laugh lines. They make us look older, also wiser, but do we care ? Our sense of right and wrong develops a smarter perspective, only to unfold the real us. 

What a frivolous conundrum this life is.

It is strange, how our ideals shape themselves according to our comfort. Not everything right deed springs up an innocent smile, not every wrong deed weighs heavy on the conscience. I don't know why I am being a philosophical nerd here, but the irony of this fact is that there was a time when all that I'm writing right now would have put me to sleep in no time. Change. That, I suppose, is what I'm talking about, or atleast I'm trying to.

Change, has never really been my thing. I like routine, waking up to the sound of the same alarm tone everyday, running late for work. I let comfort settle a layer deep inside my skin. And when the situation demands to peel it off, I feel this infuriating pain that stings me at regular intervals.

Stories. Did you know, every man has a story to tell ? No matter how dark, no matter how twisty, there is always a story somewhere in that nondescript part of their brain, waiting to be told. Stories, that were woven with great precision, intertwined with an accurate dose of happiness and tears. They make them want to jog down the altar that leads to happy memories, memories that are stained with flaws, flaws that seem to be the closest possible entity to whats real.

Some, inherit the richness of time. 

Some, fly away with that broken wing.

But then again, The best thing in life is not knowing how its going to end. Or rather, how your story is going to end.

Once Again.

Empty.

Serene.

Calm.

The message, that your eyes convey.

Once again,

We met, we talked

You held my hand,

for I feared getting lost,

Again.

A gesture so little,

carried meanings so deep,

Yes, in plenty.

Seasons came,

Seasons went.

But You and I,

Stayed aloof.

I see the inky sky,

I feel the grass,

And I know that bird,

who mocks my love.

I have, no qualms,

no regret,

for I realize, you're not the soul I loved,

But I know pain,

excruciating raw pain.

And,

Once again,

I slip into sweet oblivion,

As we grew apart.

A thought.

This is the thing about thoughts. You can't control them, even when your whole being rests upon them. Modesty flies out of the cage as soon as you think about doing something nice for the people you love. In order to realize that your worries aren't even the tiniest fraction of their sorrow, your mind needs to learn that they have suffered more. In a way, you seek joy in their sorrow. Tittle tattle, life works that way.

A pure mind is a myth because every saint sins.  

Sweet Oblivion.

She woke up to an unrealized dream untangling itself in her sub-conscience. She decided to give it some more time and lied there for another hour, drowning herself in her furry bed covers. The alarm snoozed with a shrill noise and she lazily searched for her phone under the pillow. She called office, two long impatient rings, a silent click and she left a message informing about her sick leave.

Her purple brazierre peeked through her over-sized t-shirt, and revealed all her flaws and scars screaming in the submissive morning light, but she couldn't care any less today. She wore them with an indifferent pride. Her eyebrows looked like little sleeping worms and she woke them up in one fine sweep. The air was filled thick with such delirium; she could cut it with a knife. She looked at herself in the mirror and touched her left cheek, 'My God, I'm so fucking beautiful'. Her ears couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Her modest alter-ego never let her believe this but today was a new day. She twitched her nose and licked her dry lips. She swore she wouldn't tell anybody, but that smile in the mirror told her that it knew what she was upto. She stared at herself smiling a good long while before waking her laptop up and logging into her blog.

I’m not sick, I’m almost never sick, I don’t know why I’ve taken this leave but I have a feeling in my chest that says it’s going to be a beautiful day. Fingers crossed.

(Saved to Drafts).

She pulled her hair back and secured them in a bun, she hadn’t tied her hair this way in years. It gave her such silly joy, she could hardly contain it. She poured herself a glass of wine and sipped it like they do it in  the movies. The very taste of it burnt the inside of her mouth but that made her gulp another sip. And then another one. She put on a green maxi dotted by little flowers at the hem and walked over to the book-store. Every profile on blogosphere said they’d read and loved ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’, it made her feel like a clown in a ballroom filled with sophisticated people. She bought the book and happily smiled at every stranger who as much as glanced at her on her way back.  

She spent the day devouring the scent of the pages and rummaging through the contents of the book. Her phone was switched off and she promised herself she wouldn’t switch it to life, no matter what happens today. She googled the recipe and baked herself little coconut cupcakes. She did not put on any slippers for the rest of the day and her dirty feet had never felt so good.

I was right. Today was such a joyful day. Niyati says I hardly return a smile to the ones I know, but today I spread it amongst sweet strangers. It was sheer pleasure. That beautiful maxi adorned my legs with such uncalled beauty, I couldn't recognize myself. The wine tasted sour but I drank some more because the real me would’ve gagged. 

I’ve been myself for too long.

I read, smiled, drank, baked, walked bare foot and called myself beautiful today.

I feel liberated.

She titled it ‘The bitter-sweet agony of being me’ and published it.

The next day fell into routine but it too felt special under the shadow of yesterday.

Maybe, someday...

At some certain times in our lives, we all do things we swore we'd never do, become something we never wanted to be, desperately try to stop loathing someone you know you'll never like. What next? Ashton Kutcher might pompously philosophize 'I'd rather do nothing than do something I am not passionate about', but do you and your dignity stoop low if this isn't applicable in your life? Habits. They conspire against you. They make you scrawny and feeble. You like getting habitual to people, situations, and songs. You get so comfortable in your skin that you have to scratch it off to make way for change. It might be for the greater good but you detest it. It leaves scars that remind you of happier times.

Growing up is a tedious task. Wounded knees were easier to heal, they say, you understand now, and I know you're not nursing a broken heart. Responsibilities bounce up and down, all around your existence and one sporadic incident makes them realize you cannot handle the pressure. Yet the change keeps on sprinkling little incidents all over your day. You live through them and lose what's left of your tiny little being. A cold beer and an old friend, try to revive you out of your self-induced pain and depression, but who knew, you were meant to drown. You know you cannot break the monotony, but that doesn't stop you from trying. Or does it?

You touch your face and sense a vague sense of pressure like you've put a dozen masks over it. You look at the sky and envy its job of smiling down at the world during the day and resting under the stars at night. But you're sure; it would trade anything to get rid of it. Monotone bites it too. You run with the hare and hunt with the hounds. They say, take life as it comes, what if you don't want to? Rules. You cannot be rebellious now because you're not 16 anymore. You get a new wardrobe and streak your mane a golden brown. The color doesn't compliment you but you're satiated with the knowledge of it being different and new. You're not an amateur, I know that, I believe in you, even when nobody else does.

They love and they care, irrespective of what you decide to do with your life. Yet, somehow, you feel obligated; you think you owe it to them. You don't know how to accept too much love and care but you do complain when they don't come along your way. You hear people complaining and ranting about severe headaches that might explode their heads, and until today, you did not know how one felt like. It's like somebody has been paid to hammer your head at regular decided intervals, and there is nothing you can do  to stop it.

Someday, it'll all start making sense and all the missing pieces will fall into place.

You'll sleep like a baby.

Maybe, someday...

From Bother To Brother.

What would life be without a meager frivolous bickering with your baby-brother every other day ? A little squabble over who gets to keep the warmer of the two blankets ? My day wouldn't be complete. All these years, I've grown up to witness this fact creep under my skin that I love my brother more than I'd ever love anything else.

I went to the city market with my sister today. Two little kids frolicked their way around the multifarious variety of chocolates present there, while their mother roamed about collecting groceries in her red basket. I loved eavesdropping on them. The girl must have been around four and the boy seemed a couple of years elder to her. Her little ponytail swayed with concealed pride and its blue band kept it firmly in place. They looked at those candies and chocolates as if they were to make the decision of their life and one wrong pick would rob the universe of all its happiness. Their eyes were smiling with an argosy of elation. Their manner forced me to think what was wrong with the way I've been brought up ? I've never been turned on by the shine of that naked brown bar. They looked at the chocolates as if they were speaking to them in some other world language that only kids below 10 could comprehend. I felt cheated. Deep Down. Those bars never spoke to me.

But what caught my attention the most was the way that kid took care of his little sister. He was gripping her hand really tight. she even asked him to leave her hand once, he said a few simple words and they went back to their big decision 'I will not come looking for you if you get lost'. She gave an angry shrug and those tiny eyes started searching for her mother. I couldn't help but smile. I tried making small talk by saying hello but all I got in return was 'Papa has told us not to talk to strangers'. I chuckled and went on with my business.

Memories of our old house and my childhood came rushing in. I remember being jealous of my brother just because mom would carry him in her arms more than me. Suddenly one day I was no more the youngest pet, everybody wanted to smother him with kisses and not me. Everyone brought gifts for the new baby because he was cuter. I won't lie, that phase too had a beauty of its own. That little midget has grown up to be a handsome young man who also happens to be my best friend and my most trusted confidante today. I have seen my friends living oblivious to the presence of their younger siblings at home, it aches my heart to see such love lost between them.

My baby-brother :P

Having a sibling is a blessing, sometimes in disguise, of course :P

Make this day a happy one, go and tell yours how much they mean to you :)

The Year That Was Gracious

Because I don't do new year resolutions, a post like this was out of question. Writing about how the past 365 days changed your life is no easy task. People came and went, I cried, laughed, cared, loved, envied, desired, bitched, and above all, graduated, feelings grew, I started to write, you appreciated, a lot happened. I don't know why am I putting this in ink but something inside me says I should.

The only thing that hasn't changed is that I still don't feel I'm my age. I can finally drive without knocking somebody out, I can cook without burning myself ( No, that's not completely true ), I drunk my brains out on the last day of college (That is one story you'd never want to hear), L&T sent me my offer letter ( although I couldn't join because of some reason, but them wanting to hire me was reason enough to be ecstatic ), and as I am writing this I'm beginning to comprehend how awesome 2011 was.

I have been a lost lamb since past 6 months and it has made me realize how important is it for me to keep myself busy at all times. And all this free time has given me a better perspective about life and people now, I hope it isn't some sporadic incident, not that I've become preachy and don't enjoy watching 'Enchanted' and 'Aquamarine' now, but still, I can feel that little change in the my left ventricle.

I acknowledge my feelings in a way I've never done before. And I also know, no matter how many new and fun friends I make, the old ones will always stay glued to my heart. Although 2011 did brutally take some away but I don't care about things, people and situations that are beyond my repair mechanism. I've learnt to let go. Yes. I have. And trust me, it is the most peaceful feeling ever. Plus, I don't blame my fiery sunsign for my insane habits now. I now know, its pure me, it always was.

I never knew writing could give me such a high. I've never felt drunk on beatitude ever before. Reverence, is the word, and Now, is the time.

My dear 2011, You were a good kid, I wish your sibling loves me as much as you did, or rather more.

A very Happy New Year to all you beautiful people !



P.S. My two left feet promise to stick around forever, no new year can change that.

Smile, Giggle And Laugh

Smile. Always had more to it than what the world claimed to know. Sometimes a simple gesture, Sometimes pure, selfish pleasure. The world feels good today. I woke up and there was a smile on my lips. It is a usual day, but there is something extra-ordinarily unsual about it, or is it just me ? I got thinking about how a gesture so little can convey meanings so deep. I'm a simple girl, I don't dream a lot, I don't gaze at stars ( I, as a matter of fact, visit my terrace only when it rains, and I don't understand the concept of gazing at stars), I hate slangs, I adore people who have dimples on their cheeks, the intoxicating baby smell makes me smother them with kisses and eat them up, I'm not random, have never been, but I smile, a lot. Life has been very gracious to me when it comes to looking for reasons to smile and giggle about. They come naturally to me.

A few months back I decided to start writing a blog, journal the not so interesting incidents of my life, give fiction a try and when I published my first post about my mother, I was grinning ear to ear. My blog secretly became my guilty pleasure. Guilty because it is all I do and think about these days. I met a lot of beautiful people here, and I'm amazed at how much talent you all have. Genuinely amazed. I was loved, praised, welcomed with open arms and I reciprocated back with all my heart. But recently things have been a little hazy, words are not coming easy to me. They're making me struggle. I don't think I have it in me anymore. You won't see me posting for a while now. And I suddenly realize maybe that's what the smile was all about. My mind knew it had reached some conclusion :) It just wanted me to comprehend and process it.

I have no idea for better or for worse but I will be back :)

Any bitter-sweet messages you have for me, please please please materialize them into words and send them to me.

And do not forget to Smile, Giggle And Laugh a little more everyday :)

That way I'm leaving a part of me with you :)

XOXO

Best Friends Are NOT Forever

That one friend you loved the most, that one friend you shared your most dirty secrets and fantasies with, that one friend who ripped you apart like a heartless butcher, that one friend will always matter the most.

I clicked on the'New Post' button as soon as I logged in today thinking I'd just write about it and get it over with. But here I am, staring at the blank screen from the past 3 minutes wondering why do I even want to write about her. She broke me, she made me cry my eyes out, reached heights of misunderstanding me and still, there is that little corner of my heart that wishes her the best of all worlds.

She was my best friend for as long as I remember. We were joint-at -the-hip twins. I had more in common with her than I had with myself. People used to call us the alpha-beta couple. Perhaps because my name starts with an 'A' and hers with a 'B'. And we always took pride in it's lameness :D, because we thought they both can't exist without each other. Well, apparently they can. I've spent the most beautiful years of my teen age with her. Technically, she was my better half. We've played, yes played, laughed, cried, and even had pimples together. More so, we even started PMSing in the same time frame. I promised her that I'd be that crazy aunt who'll spoil her kids. We literally took an oath that we'd tell each other everything about our first nights. No, that isn't cheesy, that was two little 17 years old giggling and promising to be bffs forever.

Laughing like maniacs over something as petite as a tongue slip was routine. I haven't laughed like that since the day we've stopped talking. I miss that. I want my stomach to hurt when I laugh. It just doesn't happen now. I wish we'd never played the 'You've changed, a lot' game. We both lost. Each other. I don't miss her, I don't want her back, but my mind and heart refuse to shut down her memories. We've broken up hundreds of times, called each other names, but it never got this nasty. It has almost been an year since I've seen her now.

She left a void. I have many beautiful people in my life right now. Everything is stable and lovely. But the void still exists. They love me, I love them. They care. I care. It still doesn't feel the same. I know it never will. This void has crept beneath my skin. Looks like you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per person and I've used up mine. Her absence doesn't make my eyes moist now. It feels like autumn. Dry autumn.

I love you B, I always do, even while I hate you.

My Chocolaty Festive Spirit

Little Moments Of Bliss :)

There is something so naturally happy about this festive season that you can almost sense it in the air around you, specially in the evening. With Diwali round the corner, mom bribed me into making these chocolates for her guest's kids. Haha, pick up that jaw, I seriously made them and trust me its just a matter of minutes ;) Yes, 'Serendipity is a catch' :P:D Say that out loud and you can have one of those rose lollipops above the 'M' :P You know, the kind of kids that jump at the sight of my yummy looking chocolates, I adore them :) I remember an incident from last year. A kid followed me to our kitchen where I mixed in right proportions of what was needed to make my perfect squash. He thought I was slyly planning on poisoning their drinks :D, he acted like a spy and ran to his granny saying 'Don't drink whatever she's bringing, I saw her mixing some orange liquid in it' :D :D Plus this year, my friends are in for a surprise, I stole Papa's Royal Challenge and made liquor chocolates too.

Although it isn't that difficult and I'm hoping most of you know how to make chocolates at home, still, if you're interested in the 'how' part of it, leave me your e-mail id in the comments and I'll be more than happy to reply. And in return, you have to be my blog's critic. You have to tell me what do you most hate and love about my amateur blog :P The 'hate' part isn't that mandatory though :P And you know you love me, be politely critical :P

A little tip for newbies on blogger, stop leaving comments saying 'Hey, new reader, I'm following, why don't you follow me back ?' It won't take you a long way. Its gross and it gets on to my nerves. Kindly stop doing that. Follow me because you like what I offer, not because you need me to follow you back. I follow a lot of beautiful blogs, not because the writers asked me to, but because I love the way they make the transition from their minds to their pens. Its not about the no. of followers, the no. of comments, its only about 'content'.

I received this comment on my last post.

Deliver content, and acknowledge appreciation. 


That is the mantra.

P.S. No offense to any chocolate lover, but for the record, I personally hate chocolates. They're too brown, too sweet and too dark.

The Reason

Life isn't very fair and I haven't bragged anything about it in my blog yet, except of course, the mannequin post. You can handle the pressure, but you can't handle it's overflow, or can you ?

My parents have lived in a joint family all their lives which obviously implies that I have lived in a joint family all my life, and when you have elders, and their elders, over you, your decisions are never your own. They are made for you. Worse case scenario - You are a girl. Your safety is the prime reason of their existence. I'm not complaining. I don't complain. I'm not that kind. But when they don't let you finish what you started, for safety reasons, it hurts, and it hurts bad. They tell me, 'you've never lived alone, how can we let you live alone in a big city like that ? job is not that important' I tell them 'I've never lived alone because you've never let me'.

My college ended 3 months ago and this idleness is killing, literally killing me. I can't look for a new job for next 3 months (due to some family issues again). I haven't been commenting and visiting your blogs much only because they tell me that you are happy and I am not. I'm sorry because you will have to cope up with my sad posts for a little longer. Please do not stop reading me :D Oh, humor, makes me glad. I don't need a gym, but I've joined one to direct my idle negative energies towards my workout, and then I thought, it won't hurt much either. I've received some mails concerning my last post and after reading them, it felt like I am some depressed maniac who needs desperate therapy. It didn't feel very good, which is why I disabled direct comments there. I'd rather say, walk a mile in my shoes and then kick the ball whichever way you want to.

I'd like a special mention to this particular mail that made me smile amidst this all, Musings Of a Troubled Mind sent me a mail saying he misses my write-ups, it felt good, beyond words.

I love my family, I love my father, I like catching him red handed stealing cookies from the kitchen :D (Mom doesn't let him eat them due to his diabetes), I love my mom, shes overprotective and takes too much stress, but that is how mothers are, right ? Mine is no different. Mine is infact more sweet and nice :) But are joint families synonymous to joint decisions ? It just doesn't feel right. I was avoiding writing about this since a long time, fearing that you all might think I've lost my sanity and I hate my family. But writing is all about venting out, feeling good and light-hearted, isn't it ?

I wrote the above thing 3 hours ago, I couldn't complete because some cousins crashed my blogging hour :D, but strangely, now I don't feel negative anymore :) That's a good thing, good progress, I suppose :)

You know, sometimes a very different thought also crosses my mind, it says 'You have been working your ass off for 4 years trying hard not to get a supplementary and be a software engineer with flying colors, you deserve this break :D, wake up at 12, have brunch, watch Derek getting back to Meredith, PeeVee :D, call and disturb the ones at work, go to gym, watch tv and smile :)'

I'd better listen to this voice now, I like it :) Sitcoms are so darn consuming, I love them. Suggestions anybody ?

P.S. I'm not in as bad a shape as this post might picture for you. Please don't leave me a comment saying 'Life is like this for everybody, don't worry, it'll pass' instead, tell me some funny stories from your awesome day :):). I've read this post 3 times just to re-re-check that I don't send any wrong hint pointing towards the thought that I'm not happy with my parents, but still, if I have faltered somewhere, you should know it was not intentional. They're my angels.

They got me this unexpected surprise cake on this Dughter's day :)

Love

Me

I am a Mannequin

It doesn't complain, It doesn't shout, It doesn't argue, It doesn't fall in love, It just absorbs, and more and more and then some more. When I see people living the life I always wanted for myself, I start feeling like a mannequin. Presented to the society as a civilized, sweet girl in her early twenties, but broken on the inside. Damaged beyond repair. Refrained from reacting. Some things just never turn out the way they should and the bad news is that it is nobody's fault. You cannot blame anybody. Every time I start getting comfortable in my skin, it is ripped off of me and a new one is put on. I fall for other people's pleasures. Is this destiny ? Change is constant, it is a fact, but it doesn't come across as necessary. At times you just want to park yourself on a comfortable couch, put your best manners on display and simply absorb whats going on. I've always felt mannequins have more to them, as a child, I used to stare at them, but using them as metaphors for my own life never matured as a thought in my mind.

I'm disabling comments on this post because I don't want to come across as emotionless and cold. This is just a phase and it'll pass. If there is something you desperately want to share, meet me here.

~Serendipity~

22 - Older Crankier Grumpier

12.01, Midnight, 15 September 2011

I go into the washroom to change into my night clothes, I come out and witness mom, my sister and my brother lighting the magic candles on my very favorite home-baked pineapple cake. No big surprise, but felt good, extremely good.

It was like the cake was yelling into my face 'Cut me open, I'm yum'.
Suddenly mom realizes my phone isn't ringing, at all, her mind wheels get to work. Is she depressed over something ? Why is her phone switched on her birthday night ? She never does that and she doesn't seem that excited too, What on earth is wrong with my daughter ?

And now, she plans to speak up.

Mom - Why is your phone not ringing ?

Me - Because I've switched it off mumma. carefully eyeing the cake like a vulture eyes its prey :D

Mom - Whhyyyyyyy ?

Me - Just like that, I've never done it you know. I thought of trying :P

Mom - Carefully adjusting herself on the bed, Are you depressed ?

Me - No

Mom - Are you upset ?

Me - No

Mom - Have you fought with someone again ?

Me - No
Mom - Is it me ?
Me - Noo mumma !

Mom- Then why are you not excited ? Its your birthday child ! She lost her patience then.

Me - Because I'm a 22 year old girl now, I should be mature mumma :D and I flashed a teasing grin which meant 'You always say so' :D

Mom - I get it, I get it, But I'm not liking it, Switch your phone on and jibber-jabber as much as you want tonight :)

I blew off the magic candles expecting them to flame up again but they didn't :D :D

The highlight of the rest of the day was Ankita's most unexpected surprise visit :). Was I stunned ? I have never been so pleasantly surprised :)

Has it really been a span of four years ? Seems like last week, I was arguing Dad into loaning me his card 'Its my 18th birthday Papa, I might need more money, Give me your card just this while, Pleaseeee'

He had given in :)

You know, there is something I shouldn't probably share here but I've promised to be my usual-self on my blog and I can't break it, even if it is this lame :D When I was in my teenage years, I used to think I'd never grow up :D, I used to think God has me singularly blessed and he'll always keep me as his special cranky teenager :D No wonder I'm not.

Growing up isn't good, Mom expects some obvious behavior out of her girl in her early twenties, I'm restrained from eating junk because then my oily skin breaks into pits and graves of pimples, something girls can't afford to have. Life needs more meaning, more substance now. Its effing wrong.

'Lollipops turn into cigarettes, the innocent ones turn into mean bitches, homework goes into trash, detention becomes suspension, soda becomes vodka, cycles turn into cars, kisses become sex, you don't get high at the playground anymore, Dad's shoulders are no more the highest peak, protection referred to helmet, race issues were who ran the fastest, the only drug you knew was the cough medicine' - A text from my bff says so.

I've already lost excitement for birthdays( but not for the celebration :D:D ), I wonder whats next.
It was a happy day put together for me. I'll heart and cherish it :)

Serenity

Its 12.27 at night and my heartiest love to all you night people out there.

I generally do not write posts like the one I just began typing but I've let my guard down because of the plain awesomeness of whats happening to me right now. Writing about it is all I can do to restrain myself from walking out of my room in my night dress at this hour.

My room is at the rear end of our home and the plot behind our home is blissfully empty, which makes every noise, every chitter chatter of the road back there, reach our ears ( I meant me and my brother's, Yes love, I have an angel for a brother, Wwwhhaaatt ? You don't know him ? Oh wait, I've never mentioned my brother on this blog, My bad, Well, he deserves to be mentioned in an entire new post, dedicated only to him). My mind has silently pasted a post-it on its wall, shall be done soon :)

Shh Shh Shh back to the current mood, Okay, so I have been telling you about the whereabouts of my room because something very serene is happening to me right now. I can listen to every ( well, almost every) raindrop falling on that road right now, and trust me, it's sheer music to my ears. As they say 'SOME FEEL THE RAIN, OTHERS JUST GET WET'. The cars brushing by the droplets, sudden lightening (the kind that makes the actress jump and very deliberately stick to her boyfriend's chest in bad movies :P).

I know I've dedicated a post to rain already, but why does this feel like something entirely different ? ;)

People always say rain is an over-rated concept, I hereby defy the concerned :P Calling rain over-rated would be the under-statement of the century, rain has hidden a million emotions in its innumerable droplets, It has mystery to it, much more mystery than human mind can handle. My air-conditioner has been depriving me of this pleasure since forever, thanks to my allergic nose and these irritating sneezing fits, I did not switch it on today, else this sweet melancholy would have never reached my ears.

Now I know why mom says ''there is always something good peeping out of a black cloud''

I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it

Hello there :)

How are you this morning ?
My second love, Sitcoms, were keeping me so busy, that my first love, my Blog, got a little neglected.
Oh yes, it complains and is very demanding.
I have been watching re-runs of 'Sex and the City' from quite a few days nights now and 'An american Girl in Paris Deux' still makes me go 'Big's back ? awwww :)' I know it might not have come up as a surprise if you've been stalking my blog a little, that I absolutely love the ladies.
I so know you.
I have little in common with them but every girl who watches the show will atleast once say 'Oh yeah, I've been there and I'm going to get Carrie's Manolo Blahniks at any damn cost' ;) This tale of 4 single ladies in Manhattan city took my mind on a breath-taking journey. I cried with them, fulminated with them, laughed (with Samantha when she said 'You pluck one grey hair, and 6 more come to it's funeral :D', thought about their relationships and what not. And what not is a translation only for 'what not' here.

The quotes framed by Bradshaw are Riveting. Engrossing. Thoughtful. Provoking. and Painfully disturbing at times. I adore these. Do you also relate to them ?

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the could do, should do, would do, buckle up and just keep going. "

"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

“I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got."

"After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh."

“Are there some women put in the world just to make you feel bad about yourself?”

"After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot."

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous , inconvenient, consuming, can't live-without-each-other-love. "

"Can we please talk about something else? I'll give you a hundred dollars if you say something bitchy about someone we know."

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, 

stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.”

"That's the thing about friends, they will always hold your hair back when you're sick."

" They say nothing lasts forever. Dreams change, Trends come and go, but friendships never goes out of style."

P.S. Stanford Blatch makes me want a gay best friend :) Is it just me or has every girl wished this once.

A manifestation of my nostalgic self

Something is so seriously wrong with my constitution.

Time hits you hard in the face when you suddenly realise how much you've been ignoring it.

It's hard, it's so hard that its ripping me apart.
I want to cling. Oh please, I want to cling.
Being a 10th grader, moving ahead was a bad dream,

Sitting for my last board exam in +2, it became worse, And the scariest of all nightmares has dawned upon me,

Oh, I still so want to cling. can't I ? Just a little ? The 11th of this month marked the end of my graduation chronology. Moving ahead, leaving behind trails of memories has never been my cup of Ice-tea ( whhattt ? I hate tea! )

I fall in love with concepts as easily and as swiftly as an obese teenager gulps down McVeggies.

And sadly I've fallen in love with Engineering (Run and get some water if that hit hard) :(

actually the concept of going to college.

As a kid, I always heard my elder cousins talk about B.Com, B.Tech, BBA, BCA, MBA, M.Tech and what not and I always used to wonder "WOW, these Bs and Ms sound so awesome, I'll be one of these some day".

I would have traded my army of stuffed toys for it, which was a humongous sacrifice for a 10 year old.

And now, all I want is, not to leave college :( I lost my best friend in the process (totally her loss :D) and earned some of the mostest nicest loveliest beings on the surface of earth, with the string '24 CARAT GOLD' needled over their heart. I have a lot to cherish, a lot to share today, but words are just not ready to move my way.

My heart is heavy, Coz I still want to cling,

My eyes want to rain because I'll miss every little thing,

I'm not strong, I won't pretend, I want it forever, if this is the end.

I LOVE YOU AND I'LL MISS YOU !! all you bitches of mine and all you pranksters, buzz me when this reaches your heart.

My heart - 'i want to write', My mind - 'you want to "what" ?'

So, I was staring at the mirror restlessly, fulminating against my fat nose for it stands out like a proud IIM MBA, amidst it's peers, expecting a seven figure job any propitious second. A sudden whisper caught my ears. I looked around my little purple room and found myself alone. Criticizing took a more serious turn as my flaws screamed at me holding strongly to their BFF- my brown outlined mirror. 

And the whisper had matured into a confident thunder by then.

It was my little thumping heart.

Yes it was.

Urgent. Firm. Strong. Clear as a crystal.

It announced 'I WANT TO WRITE, I MUST BLOG' ! My mind, the wiser of the two, kept it's engineering jitters away for a second, almost popped out of my skull, came eye-to-eye with my heart and counter attacked 'you do ?'

My heart, the merrier one, was experiencing an outburst of valiance by then. Dauntless ,as I will put it.

Yet Suave. Sober.

It replied 'Yes, I do'.

My mind - 'since when ?'

and my heart lost it's orientation at that,

 'Since like forever, do you mind springing back and minding your own business ?'

It was then that I had to interrupt. My brain went under lock and key with the key thrown away. (for the time being :P). And I had a nice chat with myself.

Long. Soothing. Tranquilized. As if unburdening a sac of emotional blur off my shoulders.  Almost like a newborn wrapped up in white cotton drifting away to dreams.
And being the spoilt pampered kid that my heart is, it got it done his way and here I am, flaunting it's toxic stringency.

I will write. I will blog. No doubt, I will. Not because I'm the mother fairy of words. But because it spells PARADISE. because it makes me feel alive. because it's the celebration of my heart's joyous triumph over my mind.

Have a spry,sleepy Sunday ! :)