From Bother To Brother.

What would life be without a meager frivolous bickering with your baby-brother every other day ? A little squabble over who gets to keep the warmer of the two blankets ? My day wouldn't be complete. All these years, I've grown up to witness this fact creep under my skin that I love my brother more than I'd ever love anything else.

I went to the city market with my sister today. Two little kids frolicked their way around the multifarious variety of chocolates present there, while their mother roamed about collecting groceries in her red basket. I loved eavesdropping on them. The girl must have been around four and the boy seemed a couple of years elder to her. Her little ponytail swayed with concealed pride and its blue band kept it firmly in place. They looked at those candies and chocolates as if they were to make the decision of their life and one wrong pick would rob the universe of all its happiness. Their eyes were smiling with an argosy of elation. Their manner forced me to think what was wrong with the way I've been brought up ? I've never been turned on by the shine of that naked brown bar. They looked at the chocolates as if they were speaking to them in some other world language that only kids below 10 could comprehend. I felt cheated. Deep Down. Those bars never spoke to me.

But what caught my attention the most was the way that kid took care of his little sister. He was gripping her hand really tight. she even asked him to leave her hand once, he said a few simple words and they went back to their big decision 'I will not come looking for you if you get lost'. She gave an angry shrug and those tiny eyes started searching for her mother. I couldn't help but smile. I tried making small talk by saying hello but all I got in return was 'Papa has told us not to talk to strangers'. I chuckled and went on with my business.

Memories of our old house and my childhood came rushing in. I remember being jealous of my brother just because mom would carry him in her arms more than me. Suddenly one day I was no more the youngest pet, everybody wanted to smother him with kisses and not me. Everyone brought gifts for the new baby because he was cuter. I won't lie, that phase too had a beauty of its own. That little midget has grown up to be a handsome young man who also happens to be my best friend and my most trusted confidante today. I have seen my friends living oblivious to the presence of their younger siblings at home, it aches my heart to see such love lost between them.

My baby-brother :P

Having a sibling is a blessing, sometimes in disguise, of course :P

Make this day a happy one, go and tell yours how much they mean to you :)

The Reason

Life isn't very fair and I haven't bragged anything about it in my blog yet, except of course, the mannequin post. You can handle the pressure, but you can't handle it's overflow, or can you ?

My parents have lived in a joint family all their lives which obviously implies that I have lived in a joint family all my life, and when you have elders, and their elders, over you, your decisions are never your own. They are made for you. Worse case scenario - You are a girl. Your safety is the prime reason of their existence. I'm not complaining. I don't complain. I'm not that kind. But when they don't let you finish what you started, for safety reasons, it hurts, and it hurts bad. They tell me, 'you've never lived alone, how can we let you live alone in a big city like that ? job is not that important' I tell them 'I've never lived alone because you've never let me'.

My college ended 3 months ago and this idleness is killing, literally killing me. I can't look for a new job for next 3 months (due to some family issues again). I haven't been commenting and visiting your blogs much only because they tell me that you are happy and I am not. I'm sorry because you will have to cope up with my sad posts for a little longer. Please do not stop reading me :D Oh, humor, makes me glad. I don't need a gym, but I've joined one to direct my idle negative energies towards my workout, and then I thought, it won't hurt much either. I've received some mails concerning my last post and after reading them, it felt like I am some depressed maniac who needs desperate therapy. It didn't feel very good, which is why I disabled direct comments there. I'd rather say, walk a mile in my shoes and then kick the ball whichever way you want to.

I'd like a special mention to this particular mail that made me smile amidst this all, Musings Of a Troubled Mind sent me a mail saying he misses my write-ups, it felt good, beyond words.

I love my family, I love my father, I like catching him red handed stealing cookies from the kitchen :D (Mom doesn't let him eat them due to his diabetes), I love my mom, shes overprotective and takes too much stress, but that is how mothers are, right ? Mine is no different. Mine is infact more sweet and nice :) But are joint families synonymous to joint decisions ? It just doesn't feel right. I was avoiding writing about this since a long time, fearing that you all might think I've lost my sanity and I hate my family. But writing is all about venting out, feeling good and light-hearted, isn't it ?

I wrote the above thing 3 hours ago, I couldn't complete because some cousins crashed my blogging hour :D, but strangely, now I don't feel negative anymore :) That's a good thing, good progress, I suppose :)

You know, sometimes a very different thought also crosses my mind, it says 'You have been working your ass off for 4 years trying hard not to get a supplementary and be a software engineer with flying colors, you deserve this break :D, wake up at 12, have brunch, watch Derek getting back to Meredith, PeeVee :D, call and disturb the ones at work, go to gym, watch tv and smile :)'

I'd better listen to this voice now, I like it :) Sitcoms are so darn consuming, I love them. Suggestions anybody ?

P.S. I'm not in as bad a shape as this post might picture for you. Please don't leave me a comment saying 'Life is like this for everybody, don't worry, it'll pass' instead, tell me some funny stories from your awesome day :):). I've read this post 3 times just to re-re-check that I don't send any wrong hint pointing towards the thought that I'm not happy with my parents, but still, if I have faltered somewhere, you should know it was not intentional. They're my angels.

They got me this unexpected surprise cake on this Dughter's day :)

Love

Me

22 - Older Crankier Grumpier

12.01, Midnight, 15 September 2011

I go into the washroom to change into my night clothes, I come out and witness mom, my sister and my brother lighting the magic candles on my very favorite home-baked pineapple cake. No big surprise, but felt good, extremely good.

It was like the cake was yelling into my face 'Cut me open, I'm yum'.
Suddenly mom realizes my phone isn't ringing, at all, her mind wheels get to work. Is she depressed over something ? Why is her phone switched on her birthday night ? She never does that and she doesn't seem that excited too, What on earth is wrong with my daughter ?

And now, she plans to speak up.

Mom - Why is your phone not ringing ?

Me - Because I've switched it off mumma. carefully eyeing the cake like a vulture eyes its prey :D

Mom - Whhyyyyyyy ?

Me - Just like that, I've never done it you know. I thought of trying :P

Mom - Carefully adjusting herself on the bed, Are you depressed ?

Me - No

Mom - Are you upset ?

Me - No

Mom - Have you fought with someone again ?

Me - No
Mom - Is it me ?
Me - Noo mumma !

Mom- Then why are you not excited ? Its your birthday child ! She lost her patience then.

Me - Because I'm a 22 year old girl now, I should be mature mumma :D and I flashed a teasing grin which meant 'You always say so' :D

Mom - I get it, I get it, But I'm not liking it, Switch your phone on and jibber-jabber as much as you want tonight :)

I blew off the magic candles expecting them to flame up again but they didn't :D :D

The highlight of the rest of the day was Ankita's most unexpected surprise visit :). Was I stunned ? I have never been so pleasantly surprised :)

Has it really been a span of four years ? Seems like last week, I was arguing Dad into loaning me his card 'Its my 18th birthday Papa, I might need more money, Give me your card just this while, Pleaseeee'

He had given in :)

You know, there is something I shouldn't probably share here but I've promised to be my usual-self on my blog and I can't break it, even if it is this lame :D When I was in my teenage years, I used to think I'd never grow up :D, I used to think God has me singularly blessed and he'll always keep me as his special cranky teenager :D No wonder I'm not.

Growing up isn't good, Mom expects some obvious behavior out of her girl in her early twenties, I'm restrained from eating junk because then my oily skin breaks into pits and graves of pimples, something girls can't afford to have. Life needs more meaning, more substance now. Its effing wrong.

'Lollipops turn into cigarettes, the innocent ones turn into mean bitches, homework goes into trash, detention becomes suspension, soda becomes vodka, cycles turn into cars, kisses become sex, you don't get high at the playground anymore, Dad's shoulders are no more the highest peak, protection referred to helmet, race issues were who ran the fastest, the only drug you knew was the cough medicine' - A text from my bff says so.

I've already lost excitement for birthdays( but not for the celebration :D:D ), I wonder whats next.
It was a happy day put together for me. I'll heart and cherish it :)