Another monotonous dutiful day. The bed was meticulously made, with neat edges. The tiled floor shone with brilliance. Lunch was cooked. She lay on her back, staring into thin air, the sheets felt cold, and vivid thoughts began to flow in once again. A kaleidoscope of memories and decisions that led her here. It seldom rains in January, but today it poured heavily. The clock ticked out loud, like a hammer, she could hear it mingling and playing with the sound of the rain. Her breath danced in pronounced rhythm. 3 years ago, she was a proud graduate. An engineer with phenomenal skills. And now, her identity merely boasted of a doting wife and a loving mother.
What went wrong ? This had become a pattern in her daily routine. An ugly, abominable pattern. She would send her husband off to work with a gentle kiss, finish off with her house chores, put her daughter up for a nap, cook the mid-day meal and then get down for some rest. She loved them with all her heart and soul. They weren't at fault here.
But then who was ?
These unwanted disturbing thoughts visited her everyday.
A 6 figure job-of-her-dreams at a leading MNC fell into her lap as soon as she finished with her degree and it literally killed her when she was told she cannot avail the opportunity. Her confidence was bruised. Her faith in family and its values was cicatrized, scarred for life, impaled with the pain of never getting a chance to prove what shes worth doing. Within 7 months, she was married off to the perfect guy of a perfect family who preferred dying over sending their daughter-in-law to work. She felt guilty about wishing that she was born to a different set of parents, the ones who would've cared more about her independence than her marriage at the vulnerable age of 21. She condemned this traditional hypocrisy on the inside but revolting against it now would make her unacceptable to her loved ones.
And then all of this sacrifice would be for nothing, she pondered. Would she have loved them any less if she had a career and a life of her own ? She was stuck. For life.
And did it really matter ?
At times, she wants it to be a mirage, a nightmare, but then regrets it the next instant, because if it is an illusion, then she would have to come back to reality and go through all of it again.
Everything seemed distant. The woman who stared at her in the mirror this morning seemed alien, and yet, somehow familiar. Ageing and maturing with each passing day, but not deciphering a moment of it. The insistent buzz of her phone broke the trance. Her husband had called to tell her that he had reached office and that he loved her.
She waited a long moment, smiled sans humor and said,
'
I love you too, Infact that's all I do '.
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