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Little Moments Of Bliss is a silhouette of a feeling that resides in my heart. A software engineer by degree, a writer at heart, and a teacher by profession, I'm all that I never thought I would be. Pretty pictures,a poem that blatantly refuses to rhyme, a text from a deranged friend, a sudden gesture of love, its these little things in life, that matter and sprinkle bliss. Grace the couch and share a cuppa!

January 12, 2012

Disguised Repercussions


Another monotonous dutiful day. The bed was meticulously made, with neat edges. The tiled floor shone with brilliance. Lunch was cooked. She lay on her back, staring into thin air, the sheets felt cold, and vivid thoughts began to flow in once again. A kaleidoscope of memories and decisions that led her here. It seldom rains in January, but today it poured heavily. The clock ticked out loud, like a hammer, she could hear it mingling and playing with the sound of the rain. Her breath danced in pronounced rhythm. 3 years ago, she was a proud graduate. An engineer with phenomenal skills. And now, her identity merely boasted of a doting wife and a loving mother. What went wrong ? This had become a pattern in her daily routine. An ugly, abominable pattern. She would send her husband off to work with a gentle kiss, finish off with her house chores, put her daughter up for a nap, cook the mid-day meal and then get down for some rest. She loved them with all her heart and soul. They weren't at fault here. But then who was ?

These unwanted disturbing thoughts visited her everyday.

A 6 figure job-of-her-dreams at a leading MNC fell into her lap as soon as she finished with her degree and it literally killed her when she was told she cannot avail the opportunity. Her confidence was bruised. Her faith in family and its values was cicatrized, scarred for life, impaled with the pain of never getting a chance to prove what shes worth doing. Within 7 months, she was married off to the perfect guy of a perfect family who preferred dying over sending their daughter-in-law to work. She felt guilty about wishing that she was born to a different set of parents, the ones who would've cared more about her independence than her marriage at the vulnerable age of 21. She condemned this traditional hypocrisy on the inside but revolting against it now would make her unacceptable to her loved ones. And then all of this sacrifice would be for nothing, she pondered. Would she have loved them any less if she had a career and a life of her own ? She was stuck. For life. And did it really matter ?

At times, she wants it to be a mirage, a nightmare, but then regrets it the next instant, because if it is an illusion, then she would have to come back to reality and go through all of it again.

Everything seemed distant. The woman who stared at her in the mirror this morning seemed alien, and yet, somehow familiar. Ageing and maturing with each passing day, but not deciphering a moment of it. The insistent buzz of her phone broke the trance. Her husband had called to tell her that he had reached office and that he loved her.

She waited a long moment, smiled sans humor and said,

I love you too, Infact that's all I do '.

44 comments:

  1. Aah.Heart-wrenching, ayu! Reminds me of Mom. How I wish girls have the courage to realize how important is for them to follow their dreams and not give up on them just because their parents want them to! :'(

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    1. And how I wish some parents read this and understand the disguised repercussions of their forceful decisions.

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  2. oh my GOD.. you have written such a PERFECT account.. its so beautiful.. <3

    and at last there's someone who KNOWS what I think about all day..

    *days of crow feet, lost confidence,dependency and a path with no specific road leading anywhere.. *

    "I love you too..Infact that's all I do."

    WOW..!!!

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    1. Thank You :)
      I'm so glad that you connected so well :)

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  3. Its always a tough stand for Indian women with rooted tradition to choose between family and career. They can never be a part of each other. there always IS a choice, which is what I fail to understand. The dilemma is well written with impeccable vocabulary. :-) Your last line was intense!

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    1. Family and career. You're right. Its a tough call, and whichever way they choose, they loose the other one.
      I wish people understand all this and let their daughters become independent.

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  4. Many dreams are left unrealized for the sake of others :(

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    1. And those others never understand this pain.

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  5. what an amazing train of thoughts.....

    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.com

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  6. i learnt the meaning of repercussion :)
    cute post :)
    DeepaK

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  7. Sometimes I've wondered too, if life is all about falling into habits and routine, then what are all other things in this world for, and for whom. But alas, wondering is all I do too.

    Nice post.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    Replies
    1. Wondering is all most of us do.
      I detest people with such shallow values and traditions.

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  8. Hey.. very relevant post.. i happn to kno someone goin thru exactly this... i gues today either evryone knows someone lik this or is a person goin thru it...! Sad..
    Anyway.. Abt ur pen-name.. lovely.. inspired frm d movie? :)

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    1. Hi sweetie :)
      Welcome to LMOB :)
      I also know somebody living this same life, maybe that acted as an inspiration.
      And yes, somewhere, the movie plays its part :):)

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  9. At least, she is getting love in return. Many live the life, she is living but don't get anything in return...It kills after a point to loose yourself while managing life...

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    1. yeah, atleast love hasn't left her side.

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  10. There is more to life than Marriage and stabbing ur dreams just for your family's happiness, is never the right choice.
    The way you ended this post gave me goosebumps

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  11. Howdy Ayushi. I read your blogs.Almost all of those you composed after November ( that was where i left them ;) ). Your beautiful words are worth admiring and captivating as well. Keep them up my blessed writer friend. :).

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    1. Thank You Anu :)
      That was so sweet of you :)
      Keep reading :)
      I'll see you soon :)

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  12. I am not sure what to say. Ive seen quite talented girls wasting their career for something which was never a priority at the moment; ive seen girls who beautifully manage their married life and their career and yet have the urge to quit the job. I guess the man should just grow up and start considering the woman in his life as an individual with dreams and aspirations. and quite positively; i am seeing more men supporting their working wives!

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    1. I've also seen this shallow trend changing these days. I just wish it isn't sporadic.

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  13. One of my friends is getting married this February against her wish.When somebody really wants to get married and you ask them how they feel about it , we expect a bouncy chirpy reply with shine in their eyes.She had nothing of that sort when I asked her. But she ain't going to revolt as far as I see it.I will make sure she reads your post at least once.Anyways I told her I better not be invited to her marriage cuz then it won't happen at all, but all she does is smile and pinch my arm like a kid.
    You are influencing stuck brains here , keep it up :)

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    1. Oh yes, make sure she reads this. I'll be honored if she feels helped in any way.

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  14. Your writing is beautiful! After reading, the words linger :)

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  15. Hmm.. short and simply put. I loved the finishing line. Apt to capture the emotion and the metal state of the lady. Good one.

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  16. A simple wow for your blog.:) And I am seeing it as an inspirational one too because it makes us think that we must fulfill whatever we dream about before getting indulged in any such commitment in life.
    P.S I also liked the ending line.

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    1. Sweeetchars -
      Thank You for reading and appreciating :)

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  17. such a nice post...can relate to it...

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  18. First time here. Loved the story!

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  19. Touche' !! You make your own words swim in one's mind long after he has read them :)

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  20. your words flow as if 'm seeing the whole thing...loved last line...keep writing :)

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  21. wow ! you put me in awe ! i love the narration of the intro. very nice.

    it sounds like as if you are sharing your diary. this fiction leaves impact to me and left my desire wanting for more :)

    keep coming. me too do write some fictions, not this good but i always try my very best. for now, i have posted three stories. and the third one is in progressing chapter. feel free to hit them :)

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    1. IS -

      You went through my old posts, That is itself a compliment for us bloggers :)
      Thank You :)
      I'll visit your stories soon :)

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