The Reason

Life isn't very fair and I haven't bragged anything about it in my blog yet, except of course, the mannequin post. You can handle the pressure, but you can't handle it's overflow, or can you ?

My parents have lived in a joint family all their lives which obviously implies that I have lived in a joint family all my life, and when you have elders, and their elders, over you, your decisions are never your own. They are made for you. Worse case scenario - You are a girl. Your safety is the prime reason of their existence. I'm not complaining. I don't complain. I'm not that kind. But when they don't let you finish what you started, for safety reasons, it hurts, and it hurts bad. They tell me, 'you've never lived alone, how can we let you live alone in a big city like that ? job is not that important' I tell them 'I've never lived alone because you've never let me'.

My college ended 3 months ago and this idleness is killing, literally killing me. I can't look for a new job for next 3 months (due to some family issues again). I haven't been commenting and visiting your blogs much only because they tell me that you are happy and I am not. I'm sorry because you will have to cope up with my sad posts for a little longer. Please do not stop reading me :D Oh, humor, makes me glad. I don't need a gym, but I've joined one to direct my idle negative energies towards my workout, and then I thought, it won't hurt much either. I've received some mails concerning my last post and after reading them, it felt like I am some depressed maniac who needs desperate therapy. It didn't feel very good, which is why I disabled direct comments there. I'd rather say, walk a mile in my shoes and then kick the ball whichever way you want to.

I'd like a special mention to this particular mail that made me smile amidst this all, Musings Of a Troubled Mind sent me a mail saying he misses my write-ups, it felt good, beyond words.

I love my family, I love my father, I like catching him red handed stealing cookies from the kitchen :D (Mom doesn't let him eat them due to his diabetes), I love my mom, shes overprotective and takes too much stress, but that is how mothers are, right ? Mine is no different. Mine is infact more sweet and nice :) But are joint families synonymous to joint decisions ? It just doesn't feel right. I was avoiding writing about this since a long time, fearing that you all might think I've lost my sanity and I hate my family. But writing is all about venting out, feeling good and light-hearted, isn't it ?

I wrote the above thing 3 hours ago, I couldn't complete because some cousins crashed my blogging hour :D, but strangely, now I don't feel negative anymore :) That's a good thing, good progress, I suppose :)

You know, sometimes a very different thought also crosses my mind, it says 'You have been working your ass off for 4 years trying hard not to get a supplementary and be a software engineer with flying colors, you deserve this break :D, wake up at 12, have brunch, watch Derek getting back to Meredith, PeeVee :D, call and disturb the ones at work, go to gym, watch tv and smile :)'

I'd better listen to this voice now, I like it :) Sitcoms are so darn consuming, I love them. Suggestions anybody ?

P.S. I'm not in as bad a shape as this post might picture for you. Please don't leave me a comment saying 'Life is like this for everybody, don't worry, it'll pass' instead, tell me some funny stories from your awesome day :):). I've read this post 3 times just to re-re-check that I don't send any wrong hint pointing towards the thought that I'm not happy with my parents, but still, if I have faltered somewhere, you should know it was not intentional. They're my angels.

They got me this unexpected surprise cake on this Dughter's day :)

Love

Me