The Forbidden Fruit [55Fiction #2]

He stumbles in, every friday, makes passionate love to me, lusts my body, and then leaves his money staring at my bare essence.

Love they say, is a happy emotion, takes you high on beatitude. Supreme Blessedness.

Just the sight of him sets my heart racing inside my chest. Then why is my love illegitimate ? 

.. I Love You But I Love Myself More

I'd be lying if I'd say I've forgotten you.

I'd be lying if I'd say tears don't brim up my eyes when I think of you.

I'd be lying if I'd say I don't love you.

I became permeable when I let you in my heart.

And you consumed me,

much more than what I was willing to relinquish,

There is more of you, than me, in myself now,

You made me grow out of it.

I've fallen out of love.

Those wounds would never heal,

You've left me with one little souvenir,

The one thing, I'll cherish forever,

That still keeps me going,

is Strength.

That cage isn't my home now,

I feel liberated,

I love you

But I love myself more,

And am not ashamed to say so.

These lines have no business in my life. These have been written for those people who let their better half suck all the happiness out of their life, just because they once thought they were meant to be together for eternity. When two people are deeply in love, they promise each other the moon and the sun, but once the veil of adoration starts to lift itself, this love can become a sad,toxic version of itself.

Have the heart to speak up for what you think makes sense and see how the world becomes a beautiful place to live in once again. Love yourself first. Breathe. Make decisions. Love is not supposed to make you miserable.

When I heard Samantha say 'I love You but I love Myself more' in 'The Sex and the City' for the first time, I fell for her all the more.

Feel Blessed !

3 days back, I woke up to find that my eyes were not their regular classic blend of black and white, they were in fact a much more legendary amalgamation of red, black and white. My pupil looked like the sun of the solar eclipse hurling out red rays.

I rushed towards mom in a haste never known before, for I had the last exam of my B.Tech odyssey, 2 days later, that would qualify me as a software engineer.

I was noways going to let my eyes, ruin it for me. We reached the ophthalmologist in no time, giving in to the exigency of the situation. 

I witnessed something there, that made my heart weep. While I was impatiently waiting for my turn, a young couple entered with their little 4-5 months old daughter.

My own eyes were such a stupid mess that I did not give them any second look. But to my horror, they had not come to get their own eyes treated, they had come for their daughter.

Upon listening this, I took as close a look as I could permit myself staying stuck to my seat. That baby's left pupil was grayish-white. The doctor checked her before me (although they came after me. I wouldn't have appreciated this for anybody else if it wasn't for this baby's eye) and unfortunately I was forced to listen to that conversation. 

Doctor - It's better now.

Mother (her face lit with hope) - will she be alright ?

Doctor - I cant say that right away. As of now, carry on with the same medicines. 

Mother - Can she see from this eye ?

Doctor - No, not yet. But I can assure you, she will, someday. And this mark will stay forever.

Mother (bombed by the news) - Is there nothing we can do to remove the mark ? No surgery ? No operation ?

Doctor - No. No ophthalmologist in this world can cure this. Its like you get a bruise on some part of your body, get it treated well, but still, the mark never leaves. 

Mother (almost in tears) - when should we come next ?

Doctor (With the same straight face throughout) - Come next Friday and increase the dosage of these drops to 3 times a day.

I almost had a tear or two flooding my eyes, thanks to that little infection I had bored, nobody noticed.

Neither did they choose their poverty, nor did you choose your castle.

Help people in all possible ways. It will be your Moment of Bliss.

We complain about broken nails, ill-fitted dresses, bad exams, being over-weight, fat asses, love life trouble and what not but that day, I realized people have problems of a much serious scale and a much bigger magnitude.

My eye infection would have been okay the next morning had I washed them with cold refrigerated water 4-5 times a day but still I visited the doctor.

God divided this world into two concepts- the privileged and the unprivileged.

Most of you reading this fall in the former category and still moan about those petty non-existent things.

My purpose of sharing this incident with you is to tell you to feel privileged and blessed. Help, Pray and be Thankful. God has been very grateful to you, you owe him this lovely life of yours.

I pray for that little baby and expect you also to take some time out for her and talk God into curing her completely.

This post was written somewhere in June 2011 and I had just begun to write back then. My eyes were a little bad this morning and I got reminded of that baby. And because I have a decent sweet number of readers now, I'm re-posting it. I want more people to realize life's fair to us and its just a matter of realization.


Have a good day :)

Do you see the monster walking away with the filth ?

I apologize if the kind of language I use in this post offends you at any point of time. It was really important for me to pen this down without censoring anything.

Since past couple of weeks, I've stopped reading The Times Of India. On purpose. Mom thinks I've become lazy and lost interest in reading because I don't even open Delhi Times. The day before yesterday, she asked me if she should tell the newspaperwallah to stop delivering the english newspaper. Tragedy struck me. I could not part ways with my newspaper. I managed a quick NO and grabbed that day's copy. I couldn't tell her what was going on.

It was yesterday, I turned over to page 2 and there it was in bold capitals '16 year old gang raped by dance teacher and his friends'. Tremors of shock,anger,rage went through me. I read the story. It told they were four of them, and two of them were minors, below fifteen. I was blown away. But I was glad on further reading that the bastards were caught and the case was filed. It made me speak aloud, 'Darn you filth, I'm not proud to be a citizen of my own country because of you'.

Plus what is up with the statistics ? It said compared to 2010's July, 2011's July has reported a 10.73% decrease in rape cases. What the fuck is wrong with this system. Even a single girl raped in 365 days should be a failure for them.

If I were even a little significant in deciding what should be the punishment for these sons of bitches, I would have recommended hanging them, not till they die, but till the victim feels satisfied from within that she has been avenged. Not that it will be of any help, not that the writhing pain would find an outlet out of their crying souls, but because this is all that can be done.

These bastards do whatever their filthy heart desires and then get away with it as easily as they get into it. Who is to be blamed ? The victim ? who sometimes stays quiet fearing public humiliation and future disgrace Or the system ? who listens to those bold hearts who gather the courage to come out, files a case, does some paperwork, catches the accused, and then eventually releases them succumbing to certain superior pressure.

A 12 year old raped,  A 10 year old molested, I mean don't these monsters have any moral conscience ?

An acquaintance of mine who must not be named here, told me an incident the other day that actually moved the ground underneath me. Late at night she was out with some neighborhood buddies for a walk, they waved goodbyes and marched towards their homes. She was suddenly interrupted by a man on his bike who looked like in his twenties, his face was covered, he had an office badge of the company that too must not be named here, and a laptop bag hung diagonally across him. All this description must have pictured a decent guy returning home from work. But the bastard then started doing 'stuff-unmentionable-here' in front of the girl. She froze for a millisecond and ran screaming from there. Listening to this I actually wanted to give Papa a call and thank him for being so strict. My father doesn't even let me go to the next-lane confectioner without somebody elder and responsible with me. I always fought with him saying 'you'll never let me become independent Papa' and storm out of the room. But realization has struck me hard in the head now. And I want to be a parent just like him someday.

Although they've never showed much of her show in India, but I myself look up to this lady. Oprah Winfrey. the legendary philanthropist. was molested at 4, raped at 9, a mother to a boy at 14, who shortly died thereafter, and still a live example for those victims of fate. That lady has obviously not had a normal childhood like we have had but managed to send the people responsible for this behind bars, built a place and standard for herself that would be hard to achieve for any individual who even dares to try for at least another millennium.

I'm a very pretty and happy writer most of the days but I needed to get this out of my head. I just got the news of a 12th grader molesting a kid in 3rd grade and my blur overflowed. I mean for God's sake, he's a little baby who is supposed to paint a sunshine scenery with his newly bought pastels, not experience this cruelty. I wish the bastard gets beaten up to death by an angry mob.

I wish our country apes some of the strict judiciary laws of the west instead of that lame nothingness and nudity.

Tonight, send me a shooting star.

Tonight, I wish a better place to live in.