Life is a Dance [55Fiction #4]

They said 'Dance isn't your cup of tea'.
I retorted 'Life is a dance and I will live it gracefully'.

The eager reporter left and she waltzed around the room with her last performance, glimpses of her first ran inside her head.
The woman in the mirror was proud of her and nothing else mattered.

***

-- Dedicated to Tao Porchon-Lynch. A dancing star at 94.

Happy Birthday [55Fiction #3]

"53 years of marriage and you still remain the most beautiful woman who has ever walked this earth for me"
 His wrinkles accompanied his signature cheshire smile.

"Sir, your coffee, less milk, no sugar".

"Happy Birthday sweetheart"

He pressed the picture to his lips and with two neat folds, kept it back into his wallet.

From Bother To Brother.

What would life be without a meager frivolous bickering with your baby-brother every other day ? A little squabble over who gets to keep the warmer of the two blankets ? My day wouldn't be complete. All these years, I've grown up to witness this fact creep under my skin that I love my brother more than I'd ever love anything else.

I went to the city market with my sister today. Two little kids frolicked their way around the multifarious variety of chocolates present there, while their mother roamed about collecting groceries in her red basket. I loved eavesdropping on them. The girl must have been around four and the boy seemed a couple of years elder to her. Her little ponytail swayed with concealed pride and its blue band kept it firmly in place. They looked at those candies and chocolates as if they were to make the decision of their life and one wrong pick would rob the universe of all its happiness. Their eyes were smiling with an argosy of elation. Their manner forced me to think what was wrong with the way I've been brought up ? I've never been turned on by the shine of that naked brown bar. They looked at the chocolates as if they were speaking to them in some other world language that only kids below 10 could comprehend. I felt cheated. Deep Down. Those bars never spoke to me.

But what caught my attention the most was the way that kid took care of his little sister. He was gripping her hand really tight. she even asked him to leave her hand once, he said a few simple words and they went back to their big decision 'I will not come looking for you if you get lost'. She gave an angry shrug and those tiny eyes started searching for her mother. I couldn't help but smile. I tried making small talk by saying hello but all I got in return was 'Papa has told us not to talk to strangers'. I chuckled and went on with my business.

Memories of our old house and my childhood came rushing in. I remember being jealous of my brother just because mom would carry him in her arms more than me. Suddenly one day I was no more the youngest pet, everybody wanted to smother him with kisses and not me. Everyone brought gifts for the new baby because he was cuter. I won't lie, that phase too had a beauty of its own. That little midget has grown up to be a handsome young man who also happens to be my best friend and my most trusted confidante today. I have seen my friends living oblivious to the presence of their younger siblings at home, it aches my heart to see such love lost between them.

My baby-brother :P

Having a sibling is a blessing, sometimes in disguise, of course :P

Make this day a happy one, go and tell yours how much they mean to you :)

Best Friends Are NOT Forever

That one friend you loved the most, that one friend you shared your most dirty secrets and fantasies with, that one friend who ripped you apart like a heartless butcher, that one friend will always matter the most.

I clicked on the'New Post' button as soon as I logged in today thinking I'd just write about it and get it over with. But here I am, staring at the blank screen from the past 3 minutes wondering why do I even want to write about her. She broke me, she made me cry my eyes out, reached heights of misunderstanding me and still, there is that little corner of my heart that wishes her the best of all worlds.

She was my best friend for as long as I remember. We were joint-at -the-hip twins. I had more in common with her than I had with myself. People used to call us the alpha-beta couple. Perhaps because my name starts with an 'A' and hers with a 'B'. And we always took pride in it's lameness :D, because we thought they both can't exist without each other. Well, apparently they can. I've spent the most beautiful years of my teen age with her. Technically, she was my better half. We've played, yes played, laughed, cried, and even had pimples together. More so, we even started PMSing in the same time frame. I promised her that I'd be that crazy aunt who'll spoil her kids. We literally took an oath that we'd tell each other everything about our first nights. No, that isn't cheesy, that was two little 17 years old giggling and promising to be bffs forever.

Laughing like maniacs over something as petite as a tongue slip was routine. I haven't laughed like that since the day we've stopped talking. I miss that. I want my stomach to hurt when I laugh. It just doesn't happen now. I wish we'd never played the 'You've changed, a lot' game. We both lost. Each other. I don't miss her, I don't want her back, but my mind and heart refuse to shut down her memories. We've broken up hundreds of times, called each other names, but it never got this nasty. It has almost been an year since I've seen her now.

She left a void. I have many beautiful people in my life right now. Everything is stable and lovely. But the void still exists. They love me, I love them. They care. I care. It still doesn't feel the same. I know it never will. This void has crept beneath my skin. Looks like you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per person and I've used up mine. Her absence doesn't make my eyes moist now. It feels like autumn. Dry autumn.

I love you B, I always do, even while I hate you.

Painful Escape

This is the diary entry of a 41 year old woman who wants to walk out of her marriage of 20 years, away from Tanuj, the man who never loved her, and into the arms of Akash, the man who acquainted her with true love. Her twin daughters have made it clear that if she does so, she will be a childless woman for the rest of her life.


Dear Diary,

I haven't written you in a long while now. and I've truly missed you. Its time, its time for me to make a decision. My stomach is clenching even as I am writing this, its like somebody is rolling a dough inside it. Its a hard dough. My girls, they are merely 19. Would it be the right thing to do at this time ? I can't afford to lose their love, their warmth, if at all they have some for me. It all feels wrong, and right, both at the same time. I have never been this confused in my entire life. And if I don't make a choice now, my heart will grieve till eternity. Akash has given me all the support and love I was expecting from Tanuj, I had rented my heart and soul to this marriage, but it just isn't working. You are such a patient listener. I wish you could drop a word of advice in desperate times like these.

Silence is engulfing me from all sides, its making me nauseous, its becoming hrad hard to write. See there, I made my first spelling mistake in you. Is this pen trying to humor me ? But I can't stop. It all has to escape my system and pouring it down into the depths of your diaphanous pools of white paper is my only rescue plan.


Last night Tanuj came to my bedroom around 1am. I was wide awake. I sat upright and he sat next to me cupping my hands in his. I thought he was going to lure me into staying or beat me into the argument 'How did you even think of such a thing' but his words were the last things I was expecting out of him at that hour.


He said 'When you first told me about Akash, I was writhing with pure rage. The man in me felt defeated, as if his manhood was being raped off and he could do nothing about it. My wife was falling for another man and I was just a spectator watching the proceedings. But I've been thinking about it since past one week and your facts still hold their truth firmly in place. Why did we never realize that we were falling out of love ? When did it happen ? We have been sleeping in different bedrooms since a decade now. I dismissed this earlier using the excuse 'Everybody needs their own space'. I was such a fool. Anyway, I came today to tell you that you shouldn't stay because of the fear of this society or our girls. They seem to have taken more from me, they will live. I have never given you the love,the care and the support a woman deserves from her better half. I've failed you miserably but now, when somebody else is making you happy, I will support your decision. I owe you that much.'


He said the last words slowly, meaning every syllable of it. He didn't wait for my reply and strode out of the room. I was left dazed. These words were as close as Tanuj had ever got to my heart in these 20 years of our marriage.


But as I'm writing you right now, Tanuj's words are making more and more sense. Why should I worry about this hypocrite society when they don't care one bit for me ? They don't know what I've been through. I dare them to walk a mile in my shoes and then return to have a balanced argument. I have lived 20 years succumbing to my parent's will and 21 years to the man who never loved me. If I have to make a decision it has to be now. Or never.


I'm leaving you unfinished today. The next time I write you, I will be a happy woman.
And by the way, my first wrinkle started to surface today.


Love.

Can't I be in love with both of you?

***

02 September 2011


That question, those words, rang in his head like a church bell for days. Loud. Demanding. His heart was cicatrized, she'd bruised it with scars for the rest of his meaningless life.

He had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he first saw that same tenderness in her eyes, but for another man. She had shone like the brightest star in the galaxy at the mere mention of his name. Their brilliance back then hurt his liquid eyes now. He should have got the hint right there. How could he be so ignorant ? How could he do this to himself ? How could he do this to them ?

NO.

  

how could she do this to them ?


27 December 2009

She had those perfect amber eyes, eyes so deep, only a thick band of amber around the pupils, he'd wanted to fall into them and then keep falling forever. Hair so lustrous he'd wanted to entangle his fingers in them. Those swells of feminism across her breasts, her hour glass sculpted waistline always made him wonder 'Is she for real ?'. He held her like a gorgeous fragile creation of an artist, like a painter's muse, as if he might break her in his arms.

Her melodic voice brought him back to the surface.

She'd said ' where are you lost Arin, the movie is about to start, Let's hurry up'.

And all he could manage to mumble was 'Aria, tell me something, Did you bribe God into customizing those gems for your eyes ?'.

She gave a low seductive chuckle and hurried them into the movie theatre.
Aria had dug her nails into his flesh, he'd warned her about the ghost part of the movie but she was determined to watch it. And just when the squeaky door started to open on its own, Aria stood up and screamed at the highest pitch of her voice.

02 September 2011

That scream brought Arin back to the present. His ears could hear the sound of a glass shattering somewhere in the near vicinity and for an instant he thought he'd imagined it. His family was waiting for him downstairs but he could not make his legs cover the distance.

How could it be so easy for her to send a question like that across my face ? Arin asked himself. And what was my answer supposed to be ?.

It was 13 months since he'd last seen her but her memories were still haunting him, occupying a large room in his head. Even that little black mole on the nape of her neck hadn't escaped his thoughts. Grief threatened to overcome. Tears began to swell in his eyes but he fought to send them back to where they came from. He threw a humorless laugh around his room as he remembered what his dad had told him when he was six and was crying because he had a wounded knee 'Big boys don't cry my boy'.

He wanted the time spent with her to become a tale from his distant childhood, something he could scarcely remember even if he wanted to. No matter how hard he tried, he only wanted to catch glimpses, and if possible, not even them.

He shoved away her thoughts and started looking for the better half of the brown sock he was wearing in his left foot, Why do I always find my socks without their pair ?, opening the last drawer of the wooden rack, he was face to face with a picture, I told Meher not to click this picture, when will she ever learn to listen ? It was Aria leaning over his right shoulder and his palm covering half of the picture signalling Meher not to click it.

16 November 2009

He picked it up and remembered that playful night, It was their common friend Meher's birthday. Aria had never touched alcohol before, but upon insistence she did some shots and they really got the worst of her.

The only good thing about that night was that while Aria was drunk, she clutched onto Arin's shirt like a little baby clutching onto the only piece of clothing within its reach. She hung on to him in a way that said You're all mine and Arin rained back all of his love supporting her, hiding her into his warm embrace.

That was their first affectionate embrace. Arin could never forget that day.

02 September 2011

Arin, Arin, Where are you lost son ? He could suddenly hear the motherly voice of his aunt standing right in front of him, shaking his shoulders. He came back to life, Nothing Umm Nothing, I can't find my right sock, Let me put the black pair on, You will see me downstairs in 5 short minutes. A forced smile punctuated his otherwise lifeless words.

I have to let go of these thoughts, let go of her and her betayal.

I will, I will, soon, I have to.

But how could she ask me a question like 'Can't I be in love with both of you ?'

The question had stung his heart then and it had the power to do it now.


He wiped the warm tears trickling down his eyes and rushed downstairs.

***

I will name my daughter Aria if God ever blesses me with one :) Short melodic names starting with the alphabet 'A' sweep me off my feet :)
This was a different genre I tried, Be nice enough to tell me how it went ? even if it didn't touch your heart :) Your criticism is also welcome :)

A manifestation of my nostalgic self

Something is so seriously wrong with my constitution.

Time hits you hard in the face when you suddenly realise how much you've been ignoring it.

It's hard, it's so hard that its ripping me apart.
I want to cling. Oh please, I want to cling.
Being a 10th grader, moving ahead was a bad dream,

Sitting for my last board exam in +2, it became worse, And the scariest of all nightmares has dawned upon me,

Oh, I still so want to cling. can't I ? Just a little ? The 11th of this month marked the end of my graduation chronology. Moving ahead, leaving behind trails of memories has never been my cup of Ice-tea ( whhattt ? I hate tea! )

I fall in love with concepts as easily and as swiftly as an obese teenager gulps down McVeggies.

And sadly I've fallen in love with Engineering (Run and get some water if that hit hard) :(

actually the concept of going to college.

As a kid, I always heard my elder cousins talk about B.Com, B.Tech, BBA, BCA, MBA, M.Tech and what not and I always used to wonder "WOW, these Bs and Ms sound so awesome, I'll be one of these some day".

I would have traded my army of stuffed toys for it, which was a humongous sacrifice for a 10 year old.

And now, all I want is, not to leave college :( I lost my best friend in the process (totally her loss :D) and earned some of the mostest nicest loveliest beings on the surface of earth, with the string '24 CARAT GOLD' needled over their heart. I have a lot to cherish, a lot to share today, but words are just not ready to move my way.

My heart is heavy, Coz I still want to cling,

My eyes want to rain because I'll miss every little thing,

I'm not strong, I won't pretend, I want it forever, if this is the end.

I LOVE YOU AND I'LL MISS YOU !! all you bitches of mine and all you pranksters, buzz me when this reaches your heart.