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Little Moments Of Bliss is a silhouette of a feeling that resides in my heart. A software engineer by degree, a writer at heart, and a teacher by profession, I'm all that I never thought I would be. Pretty pictures,a poem that blatantly refuses to rhyme, a text from a deranged friend, a sudden gesture of love, its these little things in life, that matter and sprinkle bliss. Grace the couch and share a cuppa!

November 1, 2011

Best Friends Are NOT Forever

That one friend you loved the most, that one friend you shared your most dirty secrets and fantasies with, that one friend who ripped you apart like a heartless butcher, that one friend will always matter the most.

I clicked on the'New Post' button as soon as I logged in today thinking I'd just write about it and get it over with. But here I am, staring at the blank screen from the past 3 minutes wondering why do I even want to write about her. She broke me, she made me cry my eyes out, reached heights of misunderstanding me and still, there is that little corner of my heart that wishes her the best of all worlds.

She was my best friend for as long as I remember. We were joint-at -the-hip twins. I had more in common with her than I had with myself. People used to call us the alpha-beta couple. Perhaps because my name starts with an 'A' and hers with a 'B'. And we always took pride in it's lameness :D, because we thought they both can't exist without each other. Well, apparently they can. I've spent the most beautiful years of my teen age with her. Technically, she was my better half. We've played, yes played, laughed, cried, and even had pimples together. More so, we even started PMSing in the same time frame. I promised her that I'd be that crazy aunt who'll spoil her kids. We literally took an oath that we'd tell each other everything about our first nights. No, that isn't cheesy, that was two little 17 years old giggling and promising to be bffs forever.


Laughing like maniacs over something as petite as a tongue slip was routine. I haven't laughed like that since the day we've stopped talking. I miss that. I want my stomach to hurt when I laugh. It just doesn't happen now. I wish we'd never played the 'You've changed, a lot' game. We both lost. Each other. I don't miss her, I don't want her back, but my mind and heart refuse to shut down her memories. We've broken up hundreds of times, called each other names, but it never got this nasty. It has almost been an year since I've seen her now.

She left a void. I have many beautiful people in my life right now. Everything is stable and lovely. But the void still exists. They love me, I love them. They care. I care. It still doesn't feel the same. I know it never will. This void has crept beneath my skin. Looks like you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per person and I've used up mine. Her absence doesn't make my eyes moist now. It feels like autumn. Dry autumn.

I love you B, I always do, even while I hate you.

63 comments:

  1. if you ask crystal, i used this statement(the title) just yesterday well i broke off with my 1st and last best friend in April and i truly know how it feels
    how everytime you said sorry even for the mistakes you did not do and she goes off like some celebrity killing you with poisoned darts and leaving you in the middle of no where
    i am not saying this just coz i think you are amazing writer which ofcorse you are but this is a real hard truth but i srsly CONNECTED to the WHOLE POST
    and the last line made me cry
    but you know what?
    LIFE GOES ON with or without them, the LOVE exist or maybe not but the oxygen is still being filtered in your lungs ... and you are living.
    we were sisters. maybe more than that. SHADOWS. did so much together ppl teased me that i was obsessed with her and vice versa but to no avail we were meant to be like that but what she did...
    ahhhh i better not say it..!
    :)
    <3 tc and get over .. the 1st 3 weeks are going to be tough but after that ul be use to it...!
    the silent telephone. the blank msg screen. the stupid happy images coming before eys... the dark-circles coz of tears and sleepless nights
    but like i said
    ITS OVER and IT HAD TO..!
    (iv written an essay :P but i think ul understand)
    tc

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  2. best friends can never be forgotten! i lost mine eights years ago and i am yet to recover...sigh...life can be odd at times...

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  3. Oh, I can relate to this one. In my case, my bff was a guy. Rest as they say, is history. Love/hate/loathing/misery everything happened. Haven't spoken for one and a half years. *Hugs*

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  4. Oh this is so touching.
    I love how you expressed yourself.

    You can never forget that bestfriend who you spent so much of your life with, they will always have a place in your heart and even though you both have drifted apart, you will still care for them.

    Sometimes I try not to become 'best' friends with anyone, because if anything happened and I lost them, it would really suck :/

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  5. Damn, I can so relate to this because the wounds are still fresh. I lost my best friend to something called 'love' last week. He did, I did not. Inspite of being a friend he left me with two options, accept him or forget him. Blackmail it is I know, but I did what I had to do. It hurt for a while, but then again it was not worth it.

    Its a sad thing that some people so willingly sacrifice friendship anticipating love. Sad, but true.

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  6. I can never even think of separating from my best friend.. Never *shudders at the thought*

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  7. well what do I say.. just came back from a dinner.. and the conversation was about my best friend...shed a tear or two on how much I miss her..but yes as you said.. I love her so much even as I dislike her..

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  8. hmmm....thats bad....when Friend do something for which we have to leave them....it hurts forever...

    Be Strong !

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  9. Cannot relate to this because I don't have just the one best friend but a group that I share my everything with.

    Your post gives me the impression that you two make a lock-key combination. So what if the key is a little rusty or even bent, it still does open the lock to your heart right? So what are you waiting for, go get the key.

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  10. Aww, so sad, but you wrote it beautifully ~ I'm still hopeful that you may be able to meet somewhere down the road of life and start again? Either way, I wish you peace and love :)

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  11. As we get older we change and sometimes our friends do not change with us and the friendship just falls by the wayside......it is part of life I guess

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  12. Been there, going through that!
    But some people in life really DO help you move on considerably.. ^_^

    *many many hugs*
    Tc. <3

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  13. There was this one person who I kept thinking of when I was reading this. I know what you mean when you say you don't miss her, but the void remains. And how everything is perfectly okay and there are great people in your life, but she isn't. I'll love her even when I hate her. This came at a very appropriate time. Thank you. :)

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  14. I love love even while I hate you...
    I am going thru the same, like right now!
    A friend was was real close butchered my trust in her so bad and became two faced. Still not sure if those were two or more than that.
    But no matter how much I try, I know noone can replace her ever!

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  15. A void is created when a good friend leaves! Nicely penned

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  16. i've been there too... :| i lost mine few months ago.. and even though last week we started talking, there's some kind of 'void' and i don't think its ever gonna be the same.. its jus things are waaay too different.. :|
    i've just held on to all the good memories we've had and keep trying to block all fights and misunderstandings.. :|

    Even though its been a year since you spoke to you bff, there's till time and time can change a lot of things!! just let go the ego and try talking.. who knows things mite get back to the way it was before or make way for new things... its worth a try...

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  17. Even though my left hand is not of much use at the moment I am still kinda bound to post a comment to show that I can understand how you feel.Last 26th when everyone was enjoying the moments of bliss that life offered in the form of diwali,I lay on a hospital bed with my left hand busted bathed in blood,leaving me nothing but atrocious pain which forced me to think if death could be easier to handle.The staff administered me anesthesia to operate on my hand and put me out of my misery.I woke up to a senseless arm next morning,no matter how much I tried I could not move even a finger.I thought I had lost my arm.My dad who stood there by my bedside held my hand and asked if I was ok.Tears rolled down and all I could say was 'I shouldn't have come,dad'.He said 'let the regret go and it won't hurt anymore.Life offered you a different experience,now you know what it takes to bear such pain,learn and this pain will fade away'.He was right.During the following week at hospital I did realize life is not really about regrets as long as we are alive and capable of taking a decision.May be she misses you somewhere deep in her memories.May be she loves you more than you do.But you will never know the truth unless you try to find out.Why lose someone who you love dearly and regret later and try to escape the pain saying it was meant to be like this ? We make life as it is now.Warm Hug and a High 5 with my rightie ;) ;)

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  18. Listen. Breathe easy, baby.
    I think its the most disgusting thing, in the world to lose a friend, yes, more than losing a lover. You pour your heart out, break the tiny walls around yourself and open yourself, totally freely to a friend- and there, they break you, shatter you completely when you're betrayed. Its like, a limb of your body just got amputated and removed. Its the worst feeling, I know. Words of wisdom are all bullcrap because honestly, things dont get back to Normal. They don't. You just continue living with a void not just in your life, but also inside you. Things between you are obviously never the same but things outside you ain't similar either. You continue to build barriers because once bitten, twice shy, you try not to let anyone invade your privacy, make you gullible all over again. No.
    Then you have to live. Alpha beta, however wonderful they were, end up living separately. Best friends, yes, they do exist. Sometimes we have to just realize that our alleged BFF was just not the one. I only wish you lots lots, LOTS of positiveness a tight, rib-cracking hug because you deserve it right now. I know how it feels. Seen many of my friends go through it.

    And, I love you. Remember? :)

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  19. You know what, the Soul Sister is only a mail away. If the need arises. :)
    Mwah.

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  20. Like most people, I have lost one too. She was the only support in the hostel, the college. Hers was the shoulder I thought I could cry on. She was the person, I thought I could rely on. She was the person, I thought would be there for me forever and ever. With all that happened, I guess no one stays with you, for you, forever.
    But then, you cry, you feel sad, you feel the void and then you move on. Coz that is what you can do.
    Just last december I was in a similar position. I could so connect with this post. You've written this post beautifully and don't you worry, with or without her, Life will get back to being awesome.
    :)

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  21. Why don't you talk it out?? I am sure things would be a lot better if you would talk it out. Maybe she is waiting for you to talk..
    It's never too late love <3

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  22. I didn't find the shoutbox, hence the comment, sorry for spamming. Did you get my mail?

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  23. If you feel this deep for her, you should most definitely call. Why? Because life is too short. I know, it's cliched but think of this, God forbid, something happened to her, would you be able to live with it, live with yourself for not making up? No. You'll regret it everyday for the rest of your life. I speak from experience when I say solve things quick, be fast to love and slow to hate, fast to forgive those who matter, make up even when it's their fault for they mean too much to lose them aiway.
    Do call.
    Even if she's less than warm, it won't matter. For at least you tried to salvage what was left of a very beautiful relationship.

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  24. I share a common story.
    I know how it feels, hurts a lot. :(
    I lost my best friend as well as my sister whom I shared the most wonderful bond with.
    I hate recalling the time spent with them but it keeps coming, sometimes brings a smile on my face sometimes tears in my eyes.
    I miss them although I shouldn't, maybe I should just let go but this thing called 'Hope' doesn't give up, maybe someday..
    Till then I try to focus on the people I have in my life who do anything to make me smile.
    Although a bit tough but time heals everything, things will get fine don't worry. :)
    Take Care!

    Love. :)

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  25. This is not the firs time I came across such an incident. Almost all of us have 'been there, done that' :)
    Its just, we can't do anything about it really. Initially, it is very hard, even to believe that they're gone, but then, evidently, we come to peace with things.
    More important is, the time spent with them- the happy time spent was much more greater and pleasurable than the lamenting one. :)
    Just, let it be.
    I wrote too many posts about this friend of mine too. :) But you might find this one kind of calming. http://redefiningabsractions.blogspot.com/2010/05/change-is-only-constant.html

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  26. at least you have people who care about you!!!some people don't even have that.....:-D It's the sad sad story of life.....the key is to keep on smiling.....;-)

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  27. I am sorry for being such a preacher.My mind must have been hijacked by the emotions in your post.Past few days all I have done is 'think'.Seems I overclocked my processor which now needs a coolant :) :)

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  28. I am so sorry that this happened to you, and I really can relate to this post. I often wonder myself what has happened to the people I used to call friends but are now no longer in my life. I take comfort in knowing that God placed them in my life for a season and for a reason. Cherish the memories you had with your friend and look forward to the new friendships you have made and will make.

    Blessings!

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  29. It was a phase of life and then it passed. In the end, nobody is to be blamed. One can't understand who was right and who was wrong, did it happen for the better or are we going to get together again? All that's left is a void and some unanswered questions. Even if life would someday begin to feel perfect, the void would still be there, people simply learn to live with it

    Stay Blessed..

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  30. I empathize. It's really uncomfortable to have such a feeling. Nothing comes close to it

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  31. Friendship is an in-depth relationship. friend -caring, listening, talking, sharing, accepting, and affirming :)

    Love x

    thanks for your kind words at my blog :)

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  32. Suvaiba :
    I'm sorry you had to break up with you best friend. And you know what you're one of the only few who got the message right. She was mean and bad when we broke up. That doesn't make me want her, but I just can't help caring.
    I'm over her, Whatever she did when we part ways is unforgivable. I don't cry anymore :) and fortunately I'm been through the 1st 3 weeks :)

    You were kind enough to spare so much time to cheer me up with that super-long (I love long comments :D) and super-sweet comment :)

    Love ya :*

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  33. Chintan :
    I'm truly surprised at the fact that so many people have been at my place. Its frightening too, though.

    MSM :
    Love/hate/loathing/misery come along as baggage when you're somebody's best friend. Hugs to you too :)

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  34. Purple Mist :
    You can never be careful enough. There are some things that just happen. You don't plan them to happen. You don't plan to care. You just do.
    And yea, it sucks, and it hurts.

    Soumya :
    Sometimes I really wonder, Is time really is a healer. But your story seems to be kind of different. How could he be so unreasonable. Its a good thing that you stood by what you believe in.

    nZ! :
    I hope so too :)

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  35. SukuPedia :
    I wonder what makes us defy general human nature so intensely. We love even while we hate.

    Thinking :
    Thank You for those kind words :)

    Atrocious : You are one lucky guy. Not having a best friend is the best precaution ever. And that key doesn't open the lock to my heart anymore, probably because it isn't the same anymore.

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  36. Fiona :
    Thank You Fiona :) I wish you the same. I have no clue what'll I do if I bump into her someday, Leaving everything to fate now.

    Jo-Anne :
    That describes my situation most aptly. :) Thank You for dropping by sweetheart :)

    Ishiyeta :
    And my help in this case is a sweet girl who tries to make up for every sad moment that I spend missing B. :) You're right.

    Isha :
    I did not anticipate this no. of people relating to what I have been through. Some of the people who have commented here don't get it. They want me to get back, I can't let that happen.

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  37. Red Handed : I can't believe you of all people have been through it. You are the funniest and happiest blogger I know. I'm sorry. And yes, the fact that they can't be replaced sucks.

    Rahul : Thank You for your kind words.:)

    Viya : Those good memories are the worst part of the break up. They confuse your decisions. I can't go back to her now Viya. Things became dirty. Very dirty.

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  38. Wow you literally took me in with your writing....I can honestly relate to all you said since it seems I'm playing the 'You've changed a lot' game too these days....and it ain't pleasant :(
    You're brave.I hope you always stay courageous like that. :)

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  39. A and B cant stay widout each other and dats true...
    and sometimes u have to delete ppl frm ur life so dat u can make place for better ones...
    dis B found u and will always b wid u(A)
    +1 i love u more....
    bhumi

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  40. .the post is so real... i can't help but think about me and my bestfriends realtionship this time( i mean the one i posted at my blog "to my favorite girl")

    im scared that this scenario might also happen to us.. and if it would, surely, it's the most painful stab ever that would happen to our friendship..

    The words you placed there are really touching, it conveys the love you feel for her, and the pain you are experiencing this time, which would really last a long time...

    i think because of this post, i would be preparing myself for the possibility that best friends are NOT forever...

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  41. Suree :
    I'm extremely sorry for your hand Suree, I wish you get better very soon. You know what, now I think I should've mentioned the reason behind our split. When we broke apart, she was a completely new unrecognizable person. I wasn't friends with this new B. Take care of your hand and drop by more often. Now I know your left arm has been keeping you busy.

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  42. Crystal :
    You're right but it is such a hard fact to digest. The only friend you've been depending upon since years just vanishes into a new unrecognizable person one day. I knew you of all people would understand that I don't want to get back, I just can't. A lot of people have advised me to get back but only you understood I can't and I don't want to :)
    Words of wisdom seriously fail to provide comfort here :)

    hi5 to us being so practical :)

    And I love you too :)

    Anuranjini :
    Life will be and almost is back to being awesome anu (If I may call you that) :) I'm still surprised at the fact that so many people have been through it.

    Deepthi :
    You have no idea what damage would my going back do to my self-esteem Deepthi. But I can't help but notice how sweet and positive you are :) Stay the same

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  43. PeeVee :
    I did get your mail :) Thank You :)
    You know what, now I think I should've mentioned the reason behind our split. When we broke apart, she was a completely new unrecognizable person. I wasn't friends with this new B. But I'll ponder over your experience :)
    Thank You for reading :)

    Vanshika :
    My hope has so given away. I don't wish to get back. But you still have a glimmer of hopw shining :) I think you should get back :)

    Richa :
    the happy time spent was much more greater and pleasurable than the lamenting one. :)
    You couldn't say it more beautifully :)

    And I'm going to drop by your post very soon :)

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  44. Rahul :
    Those pillars of strength keep us going :)

    N.I.O. :
    Indeed heart-breaking.

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  45. Suree :
    don't spoil it all by saying you were preaching. You weren't. And take care of your hand. :)

    Diana :
    Exactly what I am doing Diana :)
    Thank You for those sweet words :) and yes, God does place everybody in our lives for a reason.

    Shashank :
    I'm so over the cursing and the blaming phase Shashank. I'm glad you got that. And I've learnt to live it. One year is a long time.

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  46. JJ :
    Thank You for understanding.

    Shama :
    This one wasn't. I'll drop by again soon :)

    All She wrote :
    Don't play this game would be the only thing I'd like to say to you. You always end up losing somebody.
    I wish you good luck. :)
    And welcome to my blog :)

    Bhumika :
    :D
    You didn't have to sign your name. I knew it was you :) And yes, I'm much more happy with this moti B :D Love ya :)

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  47. Kharren :
    It happens kharren but that doesn't mean it happens to everybody. You just need to stay out of arguments and miscommunication. and there you go :)

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  48. The title of the post and the post itself are so touchy. I broke with my best friend too and I know how exactly you feel.You at least had a fight, mine I am still waiting for a reason.I feel dumped. Life wouldn't be the same without her but still life goes on. So cheer up

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  49. Ramblings :
    Sometimes relationships lose all their charm and you don't need a reason to break it. do not feel dumped. My life isn't the same but its beautiful in a new way :)

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  50. Going through the same kinda situation. But I am a little scared if I will lose her forever. We have promised to be the best friends forever.

    It hurts a lot when someone we know , we shared everything turns into someone we knew!

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  51. Awww Di, now how did all that happen?
    *hugs you damn tight*
    I've been goign through a similar but better situation.Been friends since we were kids,but now because of college and all,well,let's say we almost don't talk. Actually we don't talk :| And it sucks.
    Feel your pain. Though I won't say I know how you feel. Coz we didn't really have some fight, or a messy break up. We just, you know, drifted apart. Which hurts me more. I'd prefer a fight over it,surely. Atleast that way,I'd know what's wrong.
    It pains me really to hear she was mean and all to you. You're an amazing happy and nice to others kinda person.
    Take care Di ..
    *loads of tight hugs*
    Much love <3
    xx

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  52. Best friends never leave your thoughts. Doesn't matter whether they hurt you, spoke crap, didn't care for your feelings, they're always going to hold that special place. I have a bestie too, who's not my bestie anymore. For me he is, but to him, I'm not. I've tried getting back, but in vain. This post reminds me of him. I wish things would sort out soon. ALl the best to you babe.. *hugs* (coz I felt like it)

    P.S. Following :)

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  53. Bagya :
    Things can always get better :) Give yourselves a chance :) Mine was the extreme case.

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  54. Nirati :
    Its not that bad now N :) I'm good, I'm infact very good :) It doesn't hurt now, she is irreplaceable but still I'm doing just fine :)
    and I'm very sorry for what you're going through. You should give her a call very soon. Have a fight, if nothing else, it'll ease out your mind :)

    Love :*

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  55. CS :
    Yea, best friends never leave your thoughts and 'Never be an option in your priority's life' is not a cliche anymore. It does hold truth, viable truth :)

    Thank You for being my new reader :)
    Welcome to LMOB :)

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  56. Nice read.. kind of makes me sad.. thinking of some old friend I miss too! some just leave.. but some leave foot prints which are hard to wipe out!

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  57. hmmmm dey will stay in ur heart deep down even when they are no more dere in ur life!

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  58. KP :
    Its so nice to see that so many people understand what I'm going through KP.

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  59. Megharana :
    She always will stay in my heart Megha :)

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  60. Oh dear Ayu....I just dont liek reading this...:( makes me feel very very sad..and when relationships as best as best frndships spoil..it hurts...well its been 2 months that i havent been talking "normal" with my soul sista bestie..and u knw it hurts each day..and im just imagining it is coz i feel the pain and the loss of frndship is far more than that of a romantic heartbreak..though i haven't gone thru a latter one so to say....I hope the void fills up thru some means...can't say more than that. coz such things are inexplicable:/..tkcr..love Aakriti

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  61. awwiiee this is soo nice gud !! i kept thinking about only *one* person while reading this : ( mine is a similar story .. nicely stated .

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  62. i dont have such a best friend... i have many friend none were like this.... i always wanted a best friend :(....

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